Tuesday, September 13, 2011

On the Verge...

A letter to someone about to make a bad decision...

What is going on between you two? You are signing papers? I really hope this isn't true.

If it is, I want you to know something. The world may say this is an easy thing. Just sign the papers, your life will be SOO much better. The kids will be fine. Yeah, this may look easier and better in the long run, but it isn't. What's worse your vision may be clouded by someone else’s attention.

Your parents aren't divorced. You really have not looked at this from the inside. Now you will have to watch your children go through it.

I have to watch my children get confused when I tell them they have a new grandma. I watch my brother call her "Mom" even though she isn't. I'm almost 40 and this is still so screwed up! The best I can do is tolerate the situation, and it still, 20 YEARS after the fact, does not sit well with me.

Your children will experience this type of disconnected family. Your grandchildren will. Your great grandchildren will know that you two could not keep it together, but the secret is you can. You ALWAYS can.

If you haven't signed papers, there is still time. Is your spouse perfect? No, but neither are you. Don't make the biggest mistake of your life. If you have already, I mourn for your children. The loss of family makes a person hurt so deeply they may not even be able to acknowledge it. Look at what it has done to her, to me. Can you see?

We hide it well, but there have been many nights I've cried in my husband’s arms from the rejection and pain I've felt from both of my parents, from the games they played with me as a pawn. "Well, then, why don't you go ask your FATHER for money." "You know how your mother is..." "Stop acting like your father!" "I never loved your mother." All these things said with smite about the other, neither knowing that the part of me that is the other dies. Is the part of me that is my mother unlovable too?

Yeah this stuff is buried well by most, but it's there. Make no mistake, it's there. I see it in her eyes when she joked she didn't have anyone to call on father's day. Will your children be able to joke about the same thing?

Yes, I don't know how hard it is to have a spouse who doesn't tell the truth. He has lied to me once and I was so mad I could've spit fire, and waves of distrust shadowed our relationship for months afterward. So no, I don't know what you are going through. But what you are going through is nothing compared to what your kids will experience. Don't make the biggest mistake of their lives.

I love those kids dearly, that is why I had to do this. I had to let you know what you are doing to them. The stinging pain may go away with time, but the dull ache will last a lifetime.

If you don't believe me, look at your extended family. Look at their lives after their parents’ divorce. Yeah, one was able to hold it together, but guess who he's got? Christ. That's the only reason we are able to hold things together. You may not believe it, but the proof is right in front of you. Go ask your relative what he really thinks of divorce. He's watched two of three of his children fail in relationships, and watched his grand children suffer for the same.

I hope you've read and carefully considered what I've said. I know you guys could hold things together if you started going to church and maybe to some counseling. Marriage is hard, no matter what, but just like AA, having a higher power to turn to when things become unbearable is the key to success.

We love you guys, all of you.

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My prayer for all of those on the verge...

Stop, look, listen
Listen to what the Lord says
Delight in the bride of your youth!
Don't fall for the serpent's scemes
He manages all flesh, plays with it's desires
To bring catastrophy
I see it in the eyes of those that suffer for his lies
I see it in the eyes of their children, and in me
Dear adopted sons and daughters
Don't exchange God's fruit for the devil's thorns
One nourishes, while the other scratches
Tearing away flesh,
And voice
And Life

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